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Too much to do in 2012

Published 8:43pm Friday, January 6, 2012

As we all prepare to really settle into 2012, it is important that we remember one thing. This one will go down in history as the year the world ended. Or maybe it won’t because the world will have ended. I’m not sure how that works.

Either way, the Mayan calendar reportedly ends near the conclusion of this year, a date that coincides with our Dec. 21, 2012. With that in mind, we all have roughly 11 months remaining in this life and should prepare accordingly.

I’ve been asked about this particular “doomsday prophecy” before and I will go on record as saying that I don’t buy it. Not at all. In fact, here are the Top 10 reasons the world will not end on Dec. 21, 2012.

1. Dale Murphy is not in the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame. A fantastic hitter on a comically bad team for a decade, Dale Murphy deserves his enshrinement before we all get obliterated.

2. Harold Camping has not gone on record that such would be the case. And we all know Camping is right on top of this end of the world thing.

3. That is my parents’ 31st anniversary. Or is it Dec. 20? I’m not sure. I can never keep that straight.

4. The end of the world would mean there would be no black people, white people, Hispanic people, Asian people, gay people, straight people, friendly people, unfriendly people, dogs, cats, musicians, governments or Hollywood types left for the Westboro Baptist Church to protest, offend or publicly blame for inciting the hatred of God and the ultimate destruction of the world.

5. We brought this Lady GaGa thing upon ourselves. We cannot expect to be let off the hook so easily.

6. The reboot of the Spiderman series as well as the cinematic installment of The Hunger Games will have just begun. There must be cosmic balance and ending the world after only the first chapter of The Amazing Spiderman or the wildly popular Hunger Games series would just be cosmically irresponsible. No way the universe leaves that much money on the table.

7. Rex Ryan has not won a Super Bowl. He has guaranteed it three times now. So it is bound to come true. Note that this reason could also be “Rex Ryan has not embarrassed himself thoroughly enough yet.”

8. Floyd Mayweather has not fought Manny Pacquiao. Life has a funny way of making you man up, grow a pair and face your fears. Mayweather is obviously way more afraid of Pacquiao than he is the end of the world. So Mayweather cannot be given a “get out of jail free card” (no pun intended) by the convenient end of the world as we know it. Besides, even the Mayans would have wanted to see this fight.

9. There are too many mysteries yet to be solved. What happened to Jimmy Hoffa? Is Kim Kardashian’s backside real or fake? What’s the deal with Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster and that pesky El Chupacabra thing? How is Paris Hilton famous? What happened to the Roanoke Colony or the lost city of Atlantis? Were we ever really supposed to take James Spader seriously as a dramatic actor?

10. The Mayans aren’t exactly a trustworthy lost. How many Mayans have you met that you could rely on?

In the end, none of us knows when the end will come. Either for us as individuals or the world as a whole. The important thing is to live life fully and be prepared for when it is over. So, whatever your 2012 is, here is to hoping you make the most of it and get ready for Dec. 21, whatever day that may actually come.

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