Can’t fail with these resolutions

Published 12:00 am Wednesday, March 27, 2002

I don’t believe I’ve ever been one of those people, but I’ve heard of them.

You know, the ones who miss out on the important moments in life because of mindless distractions (like those who ran for cover when God said BRAINS because they thought he’d said rain).

I’m more of a noticer. In my profession, that’s a good quality.

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But this past week, I’ve felt like one of the BRAINLESS masses.

The turn of the century, the beginning of the next millennium and I spent the week stricken with something I’m sure compares with the Black Plague in terms of pain and agony.

During the time I wasn’t receiving intravenous antibiotics, I slept &045; on my couch, in the bed, even in the car on the way to Auburn.

I was in Auburn for New Year’s Eve. The city offered a celebration called Toomer’s 2000 where the ball didn’t drop because 30,000 people were standing beneath it and it had nowhere to go.

Champagne and toilet paper dropped, however, in my hair and on my clothes.

It was actually a lot of fun and would have been even more if standing upright wasn’t making me nauseated and my temperature wasn’t 102.

I will certainly never forget the parts of the turn of the century that I vaguely remember.

Anyway, I’ve said all that to say I’ve had a lot of time during the past week to contemplate my New Year’s Resolutions.

Now, I don’t know about everyone else, but these things rarely work out for me.

And I think I’ve finally hit upon the reason &045; my goals are too extreme &045; lose 20 pounds, indeed.

I’ve decided that this year everything will be a resolution.

That way, when I accomplish even the slightest thing I can congratulate myself.

It’s sorta like making a list when you get up in the morning and putting down every little thing so you can mark it off &045; close and lock the front door, check; get in the car, check; crank the car, check; put on my seatbelt, check; drive to work, check.

With this method, even before I get to work, I feel I’ve accomplished great things.

And so will go my New Year’s Resolutions.

I decided to start with some you can’t lose ones, have the small ones in the middle and end with just a few special ones.

Eat less broccoli. I’ve pretty well got that one covered since I don’t eat that stuff anyway.

Vacuum once … in a while. That won’t tie me down too much

since I didn’t say "… a week" or, Lord forbid, "… a day."

Exercise more often. I’m OK with that one, too, since I

didn’t say more often than what.

Read books about history. My pleasure. History’s my favorite subject, and I read those anyway.

Those are the resolutions with which I just can’t lose.

Then I’ll have the resolutions that represent everyday life &045; ones that will make me feel positive and accomplished about everything.

Then the special ones.

I resolve to write more letters. Letter writing has lost its appeal with the telephone and the now the Internet, but I’m going to try to keep it alive.

Compliment 10 people per day on small things that they might feel are insignificant but will make them feel good when mentioned. Hopefully, pretty soon, I’ll no longer have to count to make it to 10.

Let someone go ahead of me in line at least once a week in the grocery store, WalMart or even in traffic. Last week, when I felt so bad, a very nice lady in the grocery store let me go in front of her because I had only a few items. It made my whole day.

Think one good thing about the weather each day &045; fresh air, cool breeze, warm sunshine, mysterious fog, changing clouds, etc.

And last but not least, the physical activity resolutions … begin my novel and finish my quilt.

It’s a new year, a new century, and I’ve got my resolutions all wrapped up. I’m going to try to stick to them.

Go, Broccoli.