Warning: Rain may cause vision problems

Published 12:00 am Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Maybe I have this all wrong, but I thought the saying was “April showers bring May flowers.” For some strange reason, I don’t remember anything about March torrential downpours.

Either way it goes, this rainy weather is not doing me any good.

For me, a rainy day is the perfect time to sleep in all day. And if, by chance, I decided wake up, I’d stay in my pajamas and read a book while sipping on a piping hot cup of raspberry green tea.

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When it’s raining, I feel about as unproductive as a bike with no wheels. I’m drowsy, slow and my reflexes seem to not exist.

It’s almost as though I downed a bottle of NyQuil. Not that I’ve done that before – well maybe a half bottle, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Rain usually wouldn’t bother me, but now that I am a working woman and need to at least make an attempt to look nice, the precipitation doesn’t help me out.

Not only does the weather make me look as dreary as I feel, but if a drop of water hits my head, my hair turns into a big poof.

Before I cut my hair, there wouldn’t have been a problem, but now since I don’t have enough length to make an ample ponytail, I am forced to deal with it.

But since I trust you, I am also going to let you in on my idea. Keep in mind that once it’s printed in the paper, my concept is copyrighted.

Since my vision isn’t perfect and I am pretty close to blind without the handy-dandy help of my glasses, the rain is also bothersome to my eyesight.

If I am caught in the rain without an umbrella, like I was Sunday afternoon, my glasses become a water magnet.

Thus, one day, I will create eyeglass wipers for those of us who feel a need to see in rainy weather.

Granted, they may look a little dorky, but what’s more important – being able to see or being cool?

The helpful glasses will run on something similar to a watch battery and will have a switch on the handle.

Buyers would be able to choose from the basic pair with one wiper speed, the mid-range pair with three speeds to choose from, or the top of the line eyeglass wipers that automatically adjust according to how fast water hits the frame.

However, I am still working on a few things to perfect my idea.

Like some sort of splash guard to keep the water from leaving your glasses and landing on your clothes and how to make them small and stylish.

But once I figure that out – look out world.

Then us visually challenged people will be able to enjoy water rides, swims in the pool and playing in the rain like the rest of you.

I know what you are thinking. Why not just get contacts.

Well, just like low-rise jeans, contacts aren’t for everyone. And yes, I have tried them – both.

Once I am done fighting with my small eyes to get contacts in and dry up the tears, those little flexible circles are the most uncomfortable things ever.

My eyes don’t tear properly so I am constantly needing rewetting drops and God forbid some tiny particle of microscopic matter finds it way into my iris. It’s over. The scratching and the itching. My eyes are watering just thinking about it.

Now let’s just say, I can make it through a day of wearing contacts without any of these problems and it’s time to take them out.

Ouch! I just pinched my eye trying to “pinch” the contact ever so delicately so that it won’t tear. Now I look like I have pink eye and no one wants to be around me. Great.

Thanks, but no thanks.

But until, the rain stops I’ll continue to be the sleepy, blind, poofy-haired girl that many of you have seen that past few weeks.